Shut up!
You SHADDUP!
Did I just hear that right? These students were telling each other to be quiet in the rudest ways ever. More petrifying was the fact that they sounded familiar; they sounded just like me.
Two wrongs
While what I meant was literally for mouths to be shut as they were too loud, my choice of words was way too similar to the rude 'shut up' that was a no-no. It was a mistake on my part to have used both 'shut' and 'up' within a sentence.
Honestly, I was carried away with my words and blurted it out to give them a taste of their own medicine.
Unfortunately, unlike two negatives which make a positive, two wrongs do not make a right. Irregardless of what the students were doing, I should not have stooped to neither their noise level nor their diction. No matter who started it or what was done, my behaviour was unacceptable.
Feelings
One skewed perception is that we should not have negative feelings. Everyone answers 'good' when asked 'How are you?" when it is actually fine to feel different types of feelings other than good.
Nobody can say that they only ever have positive feelings. Anyone who says they have not experienced negative feelings are either lying or do not know their own true emotions.
It's normal to feel various feelings at different times because there are so many internal as well as external variables in life. Recognising our feelings so we know what to do with them is crucial to whether we rise above it or fall victim to it.
Seeking help
One of the steps to help regulate the feelings we identified is to seek help. When we know that we are low on energy and need some motivation, going to someone who is encouraging can help lift our spirits. If we are feeling agitated, asking the company of someone who is calm might cool our annoyance.
Recognising how we feel helps us seek the right help because we know what or who can help fix the situation. Instead of denying our feeling, accepting how we are feeling and how others are feeling enables us to find the right solution targeted at that particular feeling.
Imperfections
Like everyone in this world, we are susceptible to wrongdoing and bad decision making. Romans chapter 3, verse 23 clearly states "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." While people expect that Christians who are following God to not make mistakes, the Bible forewarns us that we too fall short.
No one but God is perfect. While it might sound like a simple fact, it is a hard truth to live out - everyone of us is imperfect. You and I are imperfect; our family - our parents, siblings, spouse and children are all imperfect; our leaders - our national leaders, employers, and even church leaders are imperfect too.
As such, we should not expect perfection from anyone other than God; not ourselves or from others.
Out of control
Things do and will get out of control, sadly though sometimes more often than they should. When we fail to heed the warning signs that have been beckoning us to check our feelings, our feelings manifest in behaviours which have negative impacts on others.
When we are in a position of power, the effects of our behaviours are multiplied exponentially. Some might copy our behaviours deeming it to be praiseworthy. Some might be badly hurt by it. Others become outcasts for confronting it while yet others end up as bystanders involved in accepting these as the norm.
We need to be gracious with one another as God has been gracious with our imperfections both in and out of the church.
Admitting wrong
When things do go wrong, our first reaction is often to defend ourselves. As I heard the words shut up being thrown around carelessly, my immediate reaction was to justify my action - I didn't really say shut up, I just used shut and up in the same sentence to literally mean close. I wasn't trying to be rude…
The students were the ones who took it the wrong way and used it rudely. It is easy to shift the blame to others and dodge the responsibility of our behaviours. While others could be wrong too, it doesn't mean what I did was right. I decided that I needed to address the issue if all the shut ups were to stop.
Surprisingly, one student commented that I should be allowed to say it. This made me all the more aware of the need to come clean without giving excuses. No, it was not fine for me to say it even if I'm an adult or a teacher. In fact, because I was the adult and the teacher, these were even more the reason for me not to have said it.
Apologising
I apologised to all the students for using the words shut up and explained I shouldn't have reacted rudely no matter what, be it what they did or how I was feeling. No situation should warrant any rude remarks from me; vice versa no situation should permit them to be rude either.
Apologising doesn't immediately change the situation but it does project the fact I am aware I have made a mistake and own up to it. The apology means I acknowledge the impacts of my behavior on others and am taking steps to make it right instead of wiggling out of that responsibility.
Living mature lives
Therefore, "BE ANGRY [at sin—at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior], YET DO NOT SIN; do not let your anger [cause you shame, nor allow it to] last until the sun goes down" (Ephesians chapter 4, verses 26-27).
As beautifully summed in the final verse of the chapter, "Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you" (Ephesians chapter 4, verse 32).
Esther Koh is a primary school teacher living in Christchurch with her husband and two sons. She loves people and has a passion for helping others find their purpose for living.
Esther Koh’s previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/esther-koh.html