I never wanted to be a teacher.
In June 2018 I wrote my last article on this very topic. It was titled “Why I am still teaching after 25 years- The end is nigh.”
It did send a few people wondering what I was thinking, and I do reflect on this now and realise the ambiguity of this title.
Here I am. 5 years later and still teaching at the same school on the Sunshine Coast. I have finished my 11th year at this school and now finished my 30th year as a teacher.
A lot has happened the last 5 years. 2 sons have graduated. I have 1 son left going into Grade 9 in 2023. Belinda (my wife) has gone back to full time teaching. We had 3 years of school closures, school and societal lockdowns, flooding events and cancellations of many activities.
Early on in 2019 I had nearly had enough of teaching and was not sure where I was going. We were struggling through our eldest son’s (Kurtis) broken leg and operation after operation, setback after setback. I was physically, emotionally, professionally, and spiritually drained. I was not able to see where I was heading at the school. I arrogantly bargained with God and Belinda that if I did not get a “position of responsibility” as a Year Level Coordinator, I was gone. The role entailed taking the group of Grade 10s through to their inevitable end in 2022.
My colleagues copped the silent treatment for quite a while in the first bit of 2019. I went my own way because I thought my time was done. If I was going, I wasn’t finishing well. An outdoor education camp with Grade 9 (who became “my” group from 2020-2022 as their Year Level Coordinator), the Grade 12 group (class of 2019) I was with as their Pastoral Care teacher, along with a very important teacher who has become quite the perfect “critical friend”, turned that year around.
3 and a bit years later, I am sharing my heart and thoughts with you. This year’s Grade 12 group gave me the reality checks when I needed it. They made me happy to come to work each day, and they also saw me on the days where I was somewhere else and had checked out. Many of them saw right through this and either avoided me at all costs or pressed me till I opened up and told them what was going on in this strange head of mine. There were probably times I told them stuff they didn’t want to know anyway!
Teaching can be this crazy act sometimes and I tried my best to get rid of the mask, the act or persona I so often hide behind. And often there have been times I have hated that man. Often the man I wanted to be and the man people saw were completely different.
Years ago I felt it on my heart that God wanted to use me to make a difference in peoples’ lives. I loved my grade 12 year and I know how important a year it is. As the mighty Midnight Oil sang this year on their farewell (retirement) tour this year, “These should not be forgotten years.”
My own sons and my wife have been through so much as I have got closer and closer to many staff and students these last 5 years particularly. They have been on our journey as a family. We have had our own struggles as a family and yet despite pain, hurt, disappointment and frustrations, we are still together.
My Pastoral Care teams over the last 3 years and my colleagues here at school have also allowed me to become a better teacher, a better man, a better Dad. The students I taught allowed me the freedom to be the person God wants me to be and give Him and them my best. I know many people now who are reading this appreciate who I am and strive to be, even when at times I felt lost and uncertain of my purpose and calling.
So, what’s next?
Christmas holiday break and then 6 months long service leave.
My first time ever taking an extended time off.
Please, no cracks about the 12 weeks a year I get off already- sucks to be you!!
I took a long service leave payout at my first school 20 years ago, but nothing ever since. I can explain the vagaries of the Christian school system at another time.
Romans chapter 15 says:
”Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?”
That’s exactly what Jesus did. He didn’t make it easy for himself by avoiding people’s troubles, but waded right in and helped out. “I took on the troubles of the troubled,” is the way Jesus puts it. Even if it was written in the Bible long ago, you can be sure it’s written for us. God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in the Bible to come to characterize us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next.”
I have big decisions to make, but I am also ready to relax, be revitalised, renewed. I am sure there are more “re-“ words out there! I’ve got a great teaching timetable waiting for me from July to December 2023- if that is what I am meant to do.
I am ready to be on alert for whatever God wants me to do- hopefully just following the example of Jesus to the world around me. I think this is what “walking in the Spirit” really means.
Part 7 could be an interesting article and read in the future.
Russell Modlin is in his 30th year as a Secondary English and Physical Education Teacher. He has taught in Mackay, Brisbane, Alice Springs and currently on the Sunshine Coast. He is married to Belinda (26 years) and they have three sons- 2 have finished High School, 1 to go!
Russell Modlin’s archive of previous article can be found atwww.pressserviceinternational.org/russell-modlin.html