Let’s continue with the same thought line as my previous article. I’ll do this because I still haven’t found any concrete answers and my wrestling is still a part of my thinking.
I’m a wrestling Christian and I’m not afraid to admit it. You can read my last article which is the launching point of this article here.
The actual event that led to my wrestling was more than the question, “Is God self-centred?”, which I dealt with in the previously mentioned article. But the self-centred question took me deeper into my struggle. As my past experiences and my new found questions battle with each other, let’s dive into the middle of the fight.
Where is God?
When the unrest inside me is boiled down, it comes down to one thing: prayer. Maybe because prayer is something that I love. It’s a way for us, as mere humans to interact with a sovereign and holy God. God created this beautiful thing called prayer to give us access to Himself, because He wants access to us.
God made the first step towards us in creation and then the continual steps all throughout Scripture and even now towards His people. God is the one that initiated relationship. It’s up to us to respond. The great thing is that we can respond directly to Him. We don’t have to go through anyone or anything, we can approach God Himself.
So, where is God? Right here! Right next to you as you read this. But follow my wrestling.
Why doesn’t God respond?
Or maybe the question should be: “Why doesn’t God respond in the way we want Him too?” I mean, we can pray to the ever living and ever present God without any response?! Does this active, all knowing God intervene?
I have realized that I like direct response. If I do this, I want that. I want to see a pretty quick change. I know, I know. It’s all about relationship. God wants relationship with us! And that’s awesome! But, Jesus told us to pray and that our Father in heaven would hear and respond.
What happens when I pray, and pray and pray and nothing happens?? Isn’t God a God over everything?!?
I wish I had a neat little bow to tie this article up in. To say that God always responds, or that God will respond in some way. But I don’t. What God has been showing me is that a mere answer won’t ever define Him. That sometimes questions are more powerful than answers. Questions will take us deeper into what God has for us, while an answer may leave us dormant.
I can be satisfied with an answer and sit in my comfort zone. Turn the TV on and be okay because I have found the answer I was searching for. My focus turns off God and onto myself. And God knows that if He releases all the answers I am searching for, all the answers that I cried over, prayed for and felt that I needed, it would lead to me feeling self-sufficient. I know that I would stop looking to God and look to myself. My reliance would be wrapped up in my intellect and not His.
I’m a wrestling Christian, without answers and that’s okay.
Challenge: Don’t be afraid of questions, but allow those questions to take you deeper into God.
Jason LaLone was on staff at YWAM Brisbane and is currently in America working with Truro Anglican Church located in Fairfax, Virginia. He is passionate about discipleship, taking Jesus’ command to make disciples a practical reality that he can live on a daily basis. He loves lasagna, cats and used to dislike Monday's, making him most like Garfield.
Jason LaLone’s previous articles might be viewed at: http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/Jason-LaLone.html