Recently, I have discovered my new hunt to unveil the root of longevity and purpose within friendships, relationships and human connections. Whilst unhealthy encounters may have change some of our perspectives on relationships, including mine, my interest metamorphosed into a scavenger hunt to find the real reason behind successful and unsuccessful relationships.
I started to question persons who I would consider as ‘people of knowledge, wisdom and understanding’ and further embarked on readings centering how God desired relationships to be.
For me, I have had my fair share of challenges in my various relationships because I was of my parochialism, desire to keep friendships light and my inability to stay after the first sign of opposition. To my infant mind, society and past trauma had caused me to think, “You can leave at any point.” However, now – growing emotionally and working daily on myself – I have realized that this belief should be dismissed as one has to understand that not all opposition is bad opposition.
The Uneasy Encounter
A friend of mine emphasized his love for his friends because of their ability to hold him accountable, be loyal and move pass every individual obstacle together. This support system built on love and God’s covenant is admirable as even during the test of time, your anchor is solid and rigidly fixed.
But what if you don’t have that system and eagerly anticipates it? Nothing is wrong with anticipating, but have you ever considered that you may not be ready for that level of relationship?
Another dear colleague posed this to me, and I will share it with you:
“What if you’re sensitive and struggling with trauma or pain from the past that you thought that you healed from, but is obviously shaping your perspectives and reactions? Things become a bit uneasy if you are not constantly working on yourself to level up and be free from the shackles of your past.”
This bids me to ask you:
Are you prepared for the encounter with someone who will challenge you, ask all the hard questions and tug at your sensitive, vulnerable, closed away side that you promised would never be seen by the public? Are you truly ready?
Sometimes we ask for things that we ourselves aren’t prepared for and God keeps it from us until He sees that we have followed his instructions and submit to His will for that situation. We need to acknowledge when God is preparing us for new things and that is where the pain comes in.
Yes, we all dread and hate the ‘P’ word so much, but in this case, let’s think about pain as a breach. In Science, we learn that when we have a cut, the body receives it as a ‘breach’ and as such, different cells try to fight against bacteria from entering the body while trying to retain blood by diverting it to other areas of the body.
We can compare such scientific activities to the pain we experience in life. I learned the following from Rev. Tevaun Brown and it’s only right that I share my understanding with you:
1. Self-Breach: this is where you have caused pain to yourself whether through the consequences you are facing because of your decisions or because of you being not following God’s instructions.
In the Bible, we see the story of Jonah who was instructed by God to Nineveh to prophesy disaster because of their excessive wickedness, but instead went to Joppa. Jonah’s disobedience caused God to send a whale to swallow him up. Now, Jonah is inside the belly of the whale suffocating because he’s a man meant to walk on land but is inside a whale in water.
This bids the question:
“How many places have you gone unauthorized and had to face suffocation because of your disobedience?”
2. Close-To-Home Breach: this breach is experienced when the pain is inflicted within your household or close to home (eg: family).
Genesis chapter 16 paints the home breach as we see Hagar (mother of Ishmael) attempting to flee from Sarai because of the harsh treatment given and Abraham’s reluctant permission. Her pain lied within her household . In comparison,. Generations later in Genesis chapter 37 verse 27, it is seen that Joseph’s pain being inflicted by his own siblings. Envious in their ways they plotted, “Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, and let not our hand be upon him…”
Many of us have to go home each day to the pain inflictors and experience pain whether physical, emotional or mental. Nonetheless, be strong!
3. Relationship Breach: this is when the very relationship that you are in causes more harm than good.
In Judges chapter 16, Samson is entrapped by Delilah and falls prey to revealing the secret of his true strength. In 2 Samuels chapter 11, we see David laying with Bathsheba and sending Uriah (her husband) to battle and ordering his soldiers to abandon him.
In all the above mentioned, we should evaluate our lives and see what the root of the pain is. We have to ensure that we identify the PAIN POINT and work endlessly to rise above it because we are deserving to experience God’s perfect plan.
Relationship is originally God’s idea from the beginning of time when He would come down and dwell with Adam and Eve. He wants us to be able to experience covenant relationships that will withstand sickness and health, richer and poorer or for better and for worst.
God desires that we overcome the pain to become the person He designed you to be for and with someone else; that is a loyal, respectful, reliable and accountable person.
He wants to give you that Proverbs chapter 27 verse 17 fullness, “Iron sharpeneth iron; So a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend,” because in His wholesomeness, His offspring ought to be the same.
What you need to do is stop allowing your breaches to cause you to bleed on others; let God HEAL your wounds and you will see how much easier it is to love others and undergo the fullness of a support system.
Anneque Bennett is a vying, industrious, persistent and gallant young virtuous woman of God from Jamaica, West Indies. Her dexterity births creativity cocooned by flexibility. She possesses an eye for complexity and a magnitude of focus to complete tasks and assist others in every possible way. She loves to communicate and interact with youths on different levels and share in their experiences and serves as a mentor and youth empowerment leader. She engages heavily in promoting and marketing different products: where she also serves as a host/emcee and at times, public speaker. She finds outdoor very amusing and love to bask in nature as she puts pen to paper. She enjoys road trips, hiking and documenting each moment through fun pictures and videos and her best friend – a purple journal. #Adventure