Broken and confused.
Shattered in pieces
My oil has now stained the streets of the city.
I have spilt some in Flatbush,
And over in Harlem
Tired and abused
Their words are like daggers
Jamming at my heart
Pushing me away
Away into the pits of darkness, pits of no return.
Depressed and Far away
But where can I go from your presence?
You know when I sit and when I rise.
You know my thoughts and my future
My days are ordained by you
Your broken and confused,
Tired and abused,
Depressed and lost
Search me Oh God,
Known my thoughts I pray
If there are wicked ways in me,
Lead me back to you.
I’m coming back to you.
In 2016 I wrote the poem seen above and I couldn’t help but think of Queen Esther as I re-read it (partly because March is Women’s month).
Esther was considered as one of the most beautiful women ever seen, not just on the outside but also within. But Esther didn’t have an easy life. She was an orphan and was taken in by her cousin Mordecai where she was raised in a Jewish culture and was taught to fear God. Fast-forward to when Esther became of age and was put in the running to become King Xerxes wife and the new Queen. When she appeared before the King, he was taken aback by her beauty and decided to make her queen. Just like that, the little orphan girl was now in charge at the palace.
But God had other plans for Esther and her newfound position. Shortly after that, Haman - who worked for the King- became upset that Mordecai would not bow down to him and devised a plan to kill Mordecai and all the Jews. Because of his decision to stay faithful to God, the whole Jewish race was about to be wiped out. But Mordecai remembered someone who was in a position to effect change. Mordecai remembered that his cousin Esther, a Jew, was now Queen and was specially liked by the king.
A time like this…
Mordecai asked Esther to speak to the King to get the decree to kill all the Jews lifted. However, Esther knew that if the king did not summon her and she entered his chamber, she could be put to death. Mordecai reminded her that it might have just been God’s doing for her to be in the palace, in this position for such a time like this.
There are times we are placed in positions based on our qualifications, or networking or just pure favor, but we need to remember that in all this God is still working. You are where you are now, so that when God needs to raise up an advocate for his people, you can intercede on their behalf.
Esther knew that this task could not be done without God. She was about to put her life on the line for her nation and she needed the courage and the strength. So, Esther called a fast, she did what she knew best to do. She poured out her heart to God for favor and for strength. There are times we might be tasked with things that we can’t handle by ourselves but that’s the time we need to run to God. Like Esther we need to pour out our heart to him. Let God know how you feel and what you need to keep going on. This becomes easier if we believe that God has placed us in our positions, because if he did, no one can remove us from that position.
I always turn to pen and paper (at times my laptop) to express myself to God. I know that God cares for me and that he is the one that is directing my path, so like Esther I chose to be bold and pour out my feelings to God. I let God know that without him, I can’t tackle the world. Because the truth is, God has placed each of us to be lights, and intercessors for those we meet. As this year continues, don’t forget to connect with God and then reach out to those around you. Whether you are broken and confused, or feeling insignificant, remember for such a time like this, you were created! Be bold woman of God!
Ashea West is a third-year medical student from Manchester, Jamaica studying in the USA. I am passionate about sharing the gospel, using whatever opportunities I am given. I do believe in blooming wherever I am transplanted.