They may have honoured each other in the bedroom department but their personal journeys before that point wasn't really one to be admired.
To be honest, the non-Christians outside their circle didn't see anything different in the way they dated, interacted and behaved towards the opposite sex – other than they seemed to weirdly sleep in separate rooms and their speedy engagement.
So much attention at church is given to the dating game, making sure we don't co-habit or sleep together before marriage. I wonder how much thought we give to our spiritual brothers and sisters in terms of what God-centred friendships should look like. How do we want non-Christians to perceive our behaviour as different?
Jo – we'll call her Jo – she was a sister. A sister to all her god-fearing brothers out there. She was also a hugger. And she baked – just so the little domestic goddess would flash out for all the boys to see her potential wifeyness. She was waiting for her Christian warrior in shining armour to come along and whisk her off her feet.
Jo believed that God was faithful in her relationships and although she'd had a few slips along the way, she still classed herself as a virgin and worthy of an awesome guy who loved God. And who was hot and ticked all of Jo's boxes.
It was just unfortunate in the crowd of guys she knew from church or Christian circles, that none of them quite matched up to the ideal of a partner Jo held onto.
Jo had many admiring fans, all guys who wanted to get close to her legitimately but with an agenda behind it. And Jo understood this. Although she knew that she was a blood bought child of Christ and in her heart she knew that she was beautiful in her Father's eyes, her actions didn't actually reflect that revelation. Instead, Jo ring-fenced them all as brothers (or 'bro') and so this involved ensuring they would always be a little bit interested in her (hence the hugging, baking, arm-touching and general flirtatious banter, always with a Godly spirit and never accepting any one-on-one activity). She always had a back-up.
To onlookers, she must have been interested in one or some. Instead of treating these guys like actual brothers, non-Christians saw the weird love triangles, the leading on and the flirtations, wondering exactly what the Christian dating game was about. Perhaps just the same as theirs but without the physical side?
Then there was Brendan
He'd viewed Hayley from afar. He'd also pursued Katie, Kylie, Claire and Aleisha. All within the last six months. He had a strong faith but was definitely encouraged by the Pastor's message to view church as the hunting ground to find a wife.
Brendan was already 25. He was fed up of not having a girlfriend that worked and lasted longer than a month. He wanted to stay pure but as the years ticked by it became more of a challenge, so he was more focused than ever to catch his prey. So every new girl became a target – as long as she was pretty, shorter than him and spoke softly when she prayed. If the prey succumbed, once the chase was over, the sparks fell flat. He was styley, good-looking and was at church every Sunday. Surely the fact he sung on the worship team gave him an automatic ticket to being hooked up?
Yet this weird chasing started a filter. Rather than regard each new person – and with that, female – as a new sister to encourage and honour, he checked on their potential wifeyness... and their waist to hip ratio. Subconsciously he threw himself into doing as much as he could for these potentials. In his heart he wanted to honour the other girls, even if they were a little too tall, too quirky, or just not his type –over-weight. But it was hard to find time or the heart to give much to these girls as his sisters when there was Hayley, Katie, Kylie, Claire and Aleisha.
And in these two circles, Jo and Brendan each totally believed in sharing their faith with their non-Christian friends, inviting them to gatherings to see how non-weird the Christians were. And their friends enjoyed the times together, surfing, shopping, occasionally making it to the odd church service.
And to their non-Christian mate John, from his perspective, their friendship games seemed to have given way to the dating game. To him, the 'friendships' between 'the crizzos' had more of the intricacies and dramas than those of his non-Christian mates. At least for him, he'd been able to quickly establish after a drunken fumble whether he'd fancied his girl mates.
A different question
All this might be hypothetical but I want to pose the question that if Brendan and Jo did finally get married, had they modelled brotherly and sisterly love in their friendships along the way?
God spells out that friendships need to be done differently to that of the world, but what does this look like in a Christian context?
I want to pray bold prayers that God would show me how to love my brothers to empower them to become men – Christian and non-Christian. To love and support them in a way that honours them and models how Jesus loves, with no agenda or confusion from either side.
And at the same time, I want to ultimately show that I get my assurance from Christ, not through being built-up by the guys around me. At the same time I should be bringing out their warrior spirit, which will encourage him to truly honour girls, rather than being the one to incite the chase.
Being Christian doesn't give a green card to integrity, honour and character. It's easy for guys to honour their wives and girlfriends. I believe a distinguishing sign of what God has planned for men is by the way they treat the women around them – the ones who are broken, sorted, attractive and unattractive, overweight, old, mothers, sisters. And this is harboured through right friendships, mutual support and a lack of agenda.
Let's stop always focusing on how hard it is to not have sex before marriage. Instead let's model relationships in a way that is enticing and embodies what love is – unconditional.
Amanda Robinson is originally from The Lake District in the UK, Amanda works in Publishing in Auckland and is passionate about seeing Christians bring salt and light into the media, arts and creative industries. She is a member of SALT (www.saltmedia.co.nz) and Artisan Initiatives (www.artisaninitiatives.org). She is also a youth leader at a church in West Auckland and is involved in Christian Surfers www.christiansurfers.org.nz.
Amanda Robinson's previous articles may be viewed at www.pressserviceinternational.org/amanda-robinson.html