It's not always easy to do something you don't feel like doing even if you love doing it. I'm sure we've all had those moments when we just didn't feel like going to work, church or even attending a party. Everything in you tells you how much you don't want to do it and sometimes it's so hard to reason with your feelings that you end up giving in.
A few weeks ago, I was rostered to lead worship at my church on Sunday morning. This is something I love and enjoy doing. But throughout that week, I had been feeling quite apathetic about leading worship that Sunday and I wasn't looking forward to it at all. I had so many other things on mind that I just didn't feel like doing it. I felt so disinterested that I even found myself thinking of ways I could avoid doing it.
Overcoming my feelings through prayer
However, the stage was set and I had no good reason not to lead worship that Sunday. This was my responsibility and I knew I had to find a way to overcome my feelings lest they interfere with the work God had set out for me to do.
So instead of drowning in my feelings, I decided to pray about how I felt. I had to be honest with God. I knew this was an important task and I didn't want my feelings to hinder a great time of praise and worship at church. So I asked God to use me for His great purpose despite how I felt. I asked Him to help me put my feelings aside and instead use the gifts and talents He has given me to bless others.
It's not about me, it's about Christ Jesus
I had to shift my focus from how I felt to doing what God had asked me to do. I had to remember that I'm not doing this for me, but I'm doing this for the church and ultimately for God. After all, this is in fact about God and His ministry. His will is more important than the way I feel.
To some extent, I believe I was being a little selfish. Philippians chapter 2 verse 3 to 11 reminded me that I shouldn't be selfish and not to only look out for my own interests but to take an interest in others too. That I must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. He humbled himself in obedience to God and died on a cross for us and through Him we gain eternal life.
Christ remained obedient to His Father [God] and gave up His life for us - a greater good. So what is a feeling compared to Jesus' sacrificial death? Christ didn't just surrender his feelings, but surrendered His life! Hence I had to ask myself this question - am I willing to sacrifice my feelings and my life for a much greater good?
Experience the blessings
So I got up that Sunday morning and lead worship at church. I was so glad that I had asked God to help me overcome those feelings and to give me the strength to lead. I knew there was no way I could have done it without his help. Shifting the focus from self to seeing things in God's perspective truly made a difference. I had such a wonderful time of worship and I received such positive feedback from my church.
After this experience, it became clear to me that as long as I continued to focus on myself and how I felt, I would struggle to understand the bigger and better purpose that God has for me. Putting my feelings aside and being willing to trust and obey God's plan brought such a blessing to my life and to the lives of others too.
It was a humbling experience and I realised just how much I needed God. All glory and praise to God for His ever present help in times of need. May I above anything else always seek to do His will and not my own.
Kandima Awendila was born in Mozambique and lives and works as an IT Service Desk Engineer on the Gold Coast.
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