As a single female, the moment you step into the life of a Christian you become no stranger to the concept of ‘finding your Boaz’. It is an extraordinarily romantic expectation of what Christian women should strive for in a godly man.
Let me address what a ‘modern day Boaz’ is: He is a man who is worthy; has a good reputation and humbles himself before God. He is a protector, a provider, observant, compassionate, and he is a man of integrity. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, this all sounds pretty perfect to me.
Boaz is the desired Christian dreamboat, the expectation for how men should be and what single Christian women should strive for in a man. For a long time, I prayed for my ‘modern day Boaz’, until recently when I deeply reflected on the ‘Boaz’ concept.
This ideal perception of a ‘man of God’ is absolutely and rightly what I should be expecting to find. Every Christian girl has a different perception and expectation of what her ‘modern day Boaz’ actually looks like. The thing is, Boaz is hard to find. He is really hard to find.
There is a bit of a reputation over Christian women that their expectations are too high, but they are always desperately seeking a man. I have never been ‘desperate’ for a man, but once upon a time, I desired to find my Boaz—whenever that would be.
It is easy to get caught up in the church conversations about finding your ‘Boaz’, however, my perception of ‘Boaz’ changed, and I started to question why Christian women idolised finding ‘Boaz’ rather than developing a deep and fulfilling love and relationship with Jesus.
Boaz VS Jesus
What if instead of seeking a man and fulfilling the hopes and dreams of finding him and getting married, Christian women focused on Jesus? I know—it seems like common sense, right? In saying this, I do get tired of hearing women say, ‘I’m dating Jesus.’ Because not only is this completely wrong to say, but it also shows more desperation than admiration and trust in Jesus.
Most Christian women believe that they are already focusing entirely on Jesus, when in actual fact they are praying and worshipping God, but are desperately praying for a man and keeping an eye out for ‘him’.
Don’t get me wrong, it is perfectly okay to keep an eye out for ‘your man’; however, God will open your eyes at the right time. So, take a breath, and trust in him.
Desperation can overshadow trust, and that trust must remain solely in God at all times. It is my responsibility to always stay focused on Jesus and when the time comes, I will not miss the moment.
It can become such a focus that we may as well worship in church with a sign on our head saying, ‘I need to find my Boaz.’ And let me tell you, it is very obvious when someone is thinking this way. But in all seriousness, we must forget this obsessive quest of finding Boaz and focus on the only relationship that truly matters—our relationship with Jesus.
Boaz may comfort you, but he will not heal your heart. He may provide for you and protect you, but he will never provide for you or protect you the way God does. He may try to make your dreams and desires come true, but God is the one who ‘gives you the desires of your heart’ and can just as easily take them away. Only God fulfils the heart, not man, and not even ‘Boaz’.
Christian dating is a tough game. You want what is good, and you want what is from God.
There is a sad reality that Christian women become so discouraged in their journey of finding a man that they focus on themselves and begin to question what is wrong with themselves. Since when has the acceptance of a man become the reason a woman should believe in her worth?
Daughter of God, no one is truly worthy of love, but it is Jesus who makes us worthy of love. We don’t need anyone else to validate our worthiness of love, because Jesus is the only one who validates us. This fact should never be chastised. The moment we let others validate our worthiness is the moment we choose to focus on man rather than God.
The moment a woman puts aside her worth to lessen herself to get what she desires most is the moment she has decided that God cannot help her, and her situation is hopeless.
Song of Solomon chapter eight verse four says, ‘Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.’ If I awaken love when it is not ready, it will become a difficult journey that God never desired for me, and it will never end well.
God allows things to happen at the right time, but the one thing Christian men and women MUST remember is to never settle out of fear of being alone. I would prefer to be alone for the rest of my life but have an incredibly strong relationship with God, then to marry the wrong person because I was fearful that I would never find him.
Where to go from here
Not all of us are meant for the life of marriage, but for the ones that are, you will know that kind of life is meant for you, and it will happen. God does not tell you one thing and then forget to address it or ignore it. God always keeps his promises.
As single Christian women, we cannot afford to settle for anything less than what God wants for us. He has a perfect plan specifically designed for us, and having this knowledge, we must not intervene with our own understanding.
While we patiently and trustingly wait for the unravelling of His wonderful plan for our life, whether we marry or not, our focus must be entirely on Jesus.
So, daughters, stop idolising this ‘perfect man’, but start seeking the love that is worth everything! Start seeking Jesus and desiring Him. Focus on what He is telling you and what He wants from your heart. And if marriage is for you, Jesus won’t show you your man until you make Him your utmost priority, so keep your focus on him.
Don’t shallowly seek Jesus just to receive his promises. Fall deeply in love with Him, read His word, and seek Him in all you do. Make Jesus your complete and eternal love before you find the love of your life.
As wonderful as your earthly love will be, Jesus is absolutely more worthwhile, and I would prefer to chase His heart over Boaz’s any day.
Matthew chapter six verse 33: ‘But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.’
Cartia Moore is a sword fighter, trained and skilled in the art of fencing. She has recently graduated from her Bachelor of Arts degree and has completed an Honours in Screen & Media Studies. She is now going on to do a Master of Teaching (Secondary), focusing in the teaching areas of English and Film studies. She is passionate and driven to inspire and encourage others to seek and find their worth and value in Him.
Cartia Moore’s previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/cartia-moore.html